Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation. This form of abuse is done by someone with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While physical abuse leaves visible marks, narcissistic abuse is often subtle and gradual. This can leave its victims feeling anxious, confused, and doubting their own sense of reality.

Taking the time to better understand the signs of narcissistic abuse is essential for recognizing any unhealthy patterns as well as protecting your own emotional and mental well-being. This is how to identify narcissistic abuse in a relationship.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism means that a person has an excessive admiration of themself. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep desire and need to be admired, as well as a lack of empathy for others. Not every single person who is selfish is also a narcissist. Someone with these tendencies or NPD often uses manipulation tactics to assert control and dominance within their relationships.

These are some of the most common traits of a narcissist:

• Entitlement
• Gaslighting
• Lack of empathy
• Grandiosity
• Manipulation

Key Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Being able to identify narcissistic abuse means being able to recognize the consistent patterns of behavior instead of just recognizing isolated incidents. These are some of the most common signs of narcissistic abuse to look out for.

Isolation and Control

Narcissists will do anything they can to try to isolate their partner from their own family and friends. They may even start to control their money, time, and decisions. They want their partner to depend on and rely on only them so that they feel trapped.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Victims of narcissistic abuse often experience cycles of praise and punishment, which can feel like an emotional roller coaster. This can be emotionally exhausting, but it can cause the victim to try to earn their abuser’s love and approval.

The Blame Game

Narcissists won’t own up to their own mistakes, even if they are in the wrong. Instead, they will shift the blame onto their partners and blame them for any situation that goes wrong.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person distorts another person’s perception of reality. This tactic can be a common occurrence with narcissists. They have a tendency to deny things they’ve said and done, twist facts, shift blame onto others, and make their victim doubt their own reality and even their sanity. The longer gaslighting occurs, the more victims will experience confusion and uncertainty about what’s real versus made up.

Love Bombing

Love bombing or devaluation is another common practice with narcissists. At first, the relationship will start off with intense amounts of affection, attention, and flattery. This is known as love bombing. But once the honeymoon period is over and the victim becomes more emotionally invested, the narcissist will flip the script and start to belittle, criticize, and ignore them.

The Impact

The psychological effects of narcissistic abuse can be long-lasting. Victims of narcissistic abuse can experience:

• Anxiety
• Confusion
• Depression
• Difficulty trusting others
• Disconnection from themself
• Emotional numbness
• Low self-esteem
• Memory struggles

How to Move Forward

If you suspect that you’re in a relationship with narcissistic abuse, trust your instincts. If something feels “off,” there’s a good chance it is. Try to keep track of any interactions so that you can recognize any patterns and validate yourself and your own experiences. Depending on your situation, you may need to develop a safety plan for your exit.

Recognizing these patterns and trusting in yourself can help protect you and guide you towards healing, healthy relationships, and freedom. Reach out for support. Talk to a family member, friend, a support group, or a couples therapist. Despite how you feel, you’re not alone.